"The Very World Of Milton Jones"

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The Very World Of Milton Jones

Milton Jones, Milton Jones - so good, they named him.

Pilot & Series 1

In May 1998, the BBC commissioned a pilot of what turned out to be the first of ten (and counting) Milton Jones series for Radio 4.

"You see when the boys in the playground found out that I had a potentially fatal allergy to peanuts they used to shove me up against a wall and make me play Russian roulette with a bag of Revels."

The idea behind show was that each week, Milton Jones faced his own death. His life flashes before his eyes. We hear everything that's happened to him, and anything that might have happened to him. His hopes, his dreams, his fears...-

"I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect. That Hepatitis bee"

At the end of each episode, his Guardian Angel would vanish and he’d have a ridiculous narrow escape, ready to resurface for the next episode...

This first series was - unprecedentedly - moved from an 11.30pm slot to the prestigious 6.30pm Monday slot in mid-series. It also featured Melanie Hudson ("I'm Alan Partridge"), Alexander Armstrong ("Armstrong & Miller"), Dave Lamb ("The Cheeseshop", "Come Dine With Me"), Joanna Scanlan ("The Thick Of It") and Julia Davis ("Nighty Night").

The writing team included such luminaries-to-become as Jon Holmes (“The Now Show”), Tony Roche (“The Thick Of It”) and Mark Evans & James Bachman (“That Mitchell & Webb Look”)

The much-loved Signature Tune was written and performed by Guy Jackson, who also wrote the theme music and jingles for “Dial “M” For Pizza”, Punt & Dennis’s “Live On Arrival” and “The Castle” as well as the other Milton Jones radio shows.

The first series won a Sony Award (Bronze) and was nominated for a British Comedy Award - pretty much the last year the Comedy Awards had a radio category; as as radio stars, we were obviously deemed collectively too hideous to feature on the screen. But it did mean that we got to sit at a table with Mo Mowlam.


Series 2

This continued the format, with Milton variously being a Mexican Zorro, an Indiana Jones figure, a film producer and so forth. Guest stars in this series included Alistair McGowan. Highlights of the series included the courting Mayflies sketch ("I wasn't born yesterday, you know" "Oh - I was") and Milton’s own brand of Callcentre misery (“for 1970's Cop Shows press Star Key and Hash"). It also featured Alexander Armstrong reprising his role as Milton’s deadly enemy and mirror image, the ever-smooth Milton Smith


Series 3

The final series, with regulars Alexander, Melanie, Dave & Jo, plus a guest episode with Morwenna Banks (“Absolutely”, “Saxondale”). Also joining the writing team was Simon Blackwell (“The Thick Of It”)

The Very World Of Milton Jones

Pilot & Series 1

Show 1

First Tx: 13/8/98 23.00-23.30

For reasons connected with his cagoule, Milton finds himself falling through the air without a parachute… 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Dan Evans
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 2

First Tx: 20/8/98 23.00-23.30

Milton is a bullfighter, about to be gored by a bull. The rest of the tale leads up to that moment, when he realizes that the bull is actually half bull, half old schoolfriend - who used to be the class Milk Minotaur…

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 3

First Tx: 7/9/98 18.30-19.00

Milton is in the South American jungle, about to be bitten by a deadly snake, whilst following in the footsteps of his explorer grandfather, Indiana. Indiana Dickenson, his maternal grandfather. 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 4

First Tx: 14/9/98 18.30-19.00

Milton the cop is in a tight corner, encased in concrete and about to be thrown into the East River by New York gangsters. We follow the story back to the early Eighties and a horrible encounter with The Police. 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 5

First Tx: 21/9/98 18.30-19.00

Milton is choking on an unexpected Twix and in a nod to The Incredible Voyage has to journey inside himself to find salvation. Plus his former job as promotional jingle writer for the town of Hove gets a workout. 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 6

First Tx: 28/9/98 18.30-19.00

Milton is tied to a railway track, has a long encounter with Richard Branson, meets the Bee Gees and goes into psychotherapy. 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Julia Davis
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Tony Roche
Mike Haskins
 

Music by Guy Jackson

Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Series 2

Show 1

First Tx: 26/10/99 18.30-19.00

Milton is about to be shot by a firing squad in Mexico and is, in turn, a dashing swordsman, a freeform jazz drummer, an invading Trojan warrior, a Mexican revolutionary and one of those people you see rounding up supermarket trolleys in car parks. Because love means never having to say you’re Zorro. 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 2

First Tx: 2/11/99 18.30-19.00

Milton is strapped to a large lightning conductor in a terrible Welsh storm. He’s in the Land Of His Fathers - Wales. It's a tale of sheep, rugby, Tom Jones, Diana Ross and a whole tree-load of squirrels. 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Melanie Hudson
 
with special guestWilliam Leigh Knight
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Dan Evans
Shaun Pye
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 3

First Tx: 9/11/99 18.30-19.00

Milton is dying of exposure on the Arctic Ice in search of Santa Claus and something nice from Ikea. Along the way, Milton battles with a German wolfhound, a Welsh sheepdog, and Felicity Kendal 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Jon Holmes
Andy Hurst
Tony Roche
Shaun Pye
Dan Evans
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 4

First Tx: 16/11/99 18.30-19.00

This week Milton plunges headlong into the world of the motion picture. Gasp! as he invites you to meet Tarzan Of The Sloths. Thrill! as he battles with Alien invaders armed only with Bakewell tarts and swoon! as we hear Milton’s French accent, live and uncut… 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlistair McGowan
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Tony Roche
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Dan Evans
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 5

First Tx: 23/11/99 18.30-19.00

Milton finds himself taking on the mighty organs of the mass media and Chris Evans. He also gets to fight Esther Rantzen, puncture a Zeppelin and play the world's first ever Zen panel game.

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Sally Grace
 
Written byMilton Jones
Tony Roche
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Dan Evans
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 6

First Tx: 30/11/99 18.30-19.00

Milton battles with a great white shark, a fifty-foot aubergine, Doctor Guillotine and Skippy. He also finds time to Feng Shui his toilet and travel to Africa for a spot of illegal Merchant Ivory hunting. 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
Dan Evans
 

Music by Guy Jackson

Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Series 3

Show 1

First Tx: 19/4/01 18.30-19.00

In which Milton has an adventure in space, being the first man on the moon to breathe with the aid of a tube of NASA spray. Sorry, nasal spray... 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Joanna Scanlan
 
Written byMilton Jones
Simon Blackwell
Shaun Pye
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 2

First Tx: 26/4/01 18.30-19.00

Milton gets involved in the steamy world of cookery and meets a beautiful Chinese girl. Her parents are Feng Shui experts, and there’s talk of a rearranged marriage….But it all ends in a giant bowl of shark’s fin soup - with real sharks… 

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Simon Blackwell
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Dan Evans
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 3

First Tx: 3/5/01 18.30-19.00

Milton bursts the internet bubble via Monopoly, dolphins and Citizen Kane and ends up standing on a skyscraper fighting a helicopter dressed only in underpants 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Shaun Pye
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 4

First Tx: 10/5/01 18.30-19.00

Milton is entombed in a pyramid as he enters the strange and intensely fraudulent world of the paranormal. Were the Celts in fact astronauts? Did the ancient Incas possess nuclear technology? And did the lost library of Alexandria have a photocopier? Druids, bards and how to go through the looking glass without hospitalising yourself 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Dan Evans
Simon Blackwell
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 5

First Tx: 17/5/01 18.30-19.00

Milton feels the strain as he struggles to complete the Marathon. An Olympian episode complete with the Welsh National anthem - the theme tune to Ivor The Engine... 

StarringMilton Jones
withAlexander Armstrong
Melanie Hudson
 
Written byMilton Jones
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Dan Evans
Mike Haskins
 
Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

Show 6

First Tx: 24/5/01 18.30-19.00

Milton decides to save the planet as the plains of the Serengeti ice over, the oceans rise, and in Wales, it momentarily stops raining. He gathers all the animals across the globe in an effort to save the planet and discover whether Whitney Houston was really descended from wolves.

StarringMilton Jones
withDave Lamb
Morwenna Banks
 
Written byMilton Jones
Mark Evans
James Bachman
Les Keen
Mike Haskins
 

Music by Guy Jackson

Produced & directed byDavid Tyler

The Very World Of Milton Jones

Hear the theme music, composed and performed by the inimitable Guy Jackson

And click here for a random jingle of the day!

And here is a link to Milton Jones's website

If you would like to read more about Milton click here

or here - on the Comedy CVs website or indeed, here - via Chortle (This also has a list of where he's currently performing)

And if you fancy downloading it - and why wouldn't you - then just click here...


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